There’s this idea some guys get when they first dip their toes into the swinger scene: “If I get into this, it means a bunch of women are going to be sucking my dick.” Sounds like a dream, right? Unfortunately, the reality is often the exact opposite — it’s usually his wife who ends up doing all the sucking.
I remember one time at a swinger club — we were in the hot tub, me and a girl I knew from the scene. Another couple got in with us. They were brand new, I could tell right away. He was pale, clearly nervous, and his missus was all smiles, bubbly, trying to be social. The girl I was with didn’t waste time — she started making out with his wife and then directed her toward me.
Next thing I know, she’s blowing me in the hot tub. And the guy’s face just… dropped. What started as anxious curiosity turned into “Oh shit. I’ve made a really, really bad mistake.”
Sex in Relationships: The Deal Breaker
Let’s talk about sex in relationships. It’s not just important — it’s the thing. It makes or breaks relationships. Look at divorce rates across the West; you think people are just falling out of love? No — they’re falling out of sex. And not just any sex, real sex.
Since we were kids, we’ve been fed this Disney-fied version of women. Sugar and spice, rom-coms, rose petals, “Friends” dynamics — men are told to be soft, gentle, worshipful. But in the bedroom, that’s not what most women want.
They want a man who takes charge — who grabs life (and them) by the balls. Not abusive, not coercive — but dominant. Passionate. Animalistic. I always say, imagine you’re a Roman legionnaire returning from war after years of conquering — how would you take your wife? Not slow, not gentle. It’s raw, primal.
And guess what? That fantasy is more real than people think. Look at the search data on Pornhub: women overwhelmingly search for gangbangs, rough sex, aggressive themes. Why? Because deep in the hindbrain — that animal side — that’s what arouses them. It’s not a conscious decision. It’s evolution.
How I Learned What Women Actually Want
I didn’t go looking for this knowledge. It kind of found me. Back in Australia, I got involved in the swinger scene as a single guy — what they call a “bull.” I’d go to parties and, basically, have my way with other guys’ wives while they watched. That evolved into something more — I became a male escort. Three women in the scene were already working in that world and suggested I give it a try.
So I did. And what I saw over and over again was a specific kind of client: late 20s to early 30s, high-earning, successful, usually in leadership roles. Women with status, power, brains — and an aching need to be taken by someone who wasn’t intimidated by any of that.
Why? Because the men at their level weren’t dating them — they were dating the 22-year-old assistant. So they paid me to play out a fantasy. A man who sees them, hears them, and then fucks them like they haven’t been fucked in years. No judgment. Just raw desire.
And in that space, they’d open up. Tell me what they really wanted. Not hearts and flowers — but control, dominance, passion. It was a transaction, sure — but that also made it honest.
The Swinger Scene: The Male Illusion
Now back to the swinging world. There’s a recurring pattern: it’s almost always the guy’s idea. Couples in their 30s or 40s, kids are grown, marriage has become… routine. So he thinks, “Let’s spice things up.” But he’s picturing threesomes and women throwing themselves at him.
Reality check: women getting sex is like breathing. It’s instant. But for him? It’s work. It’s politics. It’s screening, chatting, performing. The result? His wife is the one living the fantasy — and he’s left sitting there, watching it unfold with a fake smile.
And some guys love that! They get off on watching their wife with another man — it’s like a personal porn film. I’ve seen it. Others? They crumble. Instant regret.
I’ve tried to figure out why that is. And I think part of it ties into porn. When you’re watching porn, you’re already engaging in a kind of cuckoldry — watching another man have sex while you sit back. Maybe for some men, that voyeuristic element bleeds into real life, and it becomes a turn-on instead of a turn-off.
Final Thought
Whether we like it or not, human sexuality is deeply rooted in our biology and history. We can put all the social polish on it we want — with flowers and foreplay and date nights. But underneath? We’re still just tribal animals acting out ancient roles in modern settings.
Sometimes the fantasy works. Sometimes it blows up in your face in a hot tub at a swingers club in Perth.
