There’s one major reason a lot of guys struggle to make cowgirl enjoyable for their partner: they’re copying what they’ve seen in porn or photography. And here’s the truth—those visuals are designed for the viewer’s eyes, not for actual pleasure. They’re aesthetically pleasing, but not functional in bed.
Most people, without realizing it, mimic that up-and-down motion. But here’s an easy, game-changing adjustment you can try tonight: something I call “panning for gold.”
What Is "Panning for Gold"?
Think about an old-time prospector, sifting for gold in a river with a shallow pan. Now take that motion and apply it to sex—specifically, cowgirl.
Instead of her moving up and down (which is visually dramatic but often lacks targeted stimulation), she shifts her hips back and forth while staying low. When done right, this motion repeatedly grinds the head of your penis into her G-spot, especially when she’s on top and you guide her movements.
When I’m being lazy, this is my go-to move. I’ll grab her hips and firmly push her back and forth, slamming the head into her G-spot with purpose. It sounds intense, and it is—but when a woman responds well to this kind of stimulation, she can orgasm in under a minute. Sometimes even faster.
Know That Every Woman Is Different
This won’t work for every woman. Some respond better to G-spot stimulation, others need more clitoral attention. The key is paying attention and learning what turns your partner on.
But if she is the type who responds well to this pressure and motion? You’ll blow her mind.
Strength Matters (A Bit)
Let’s be real: if you’re going to manhandle her hips and drive her into that motion with intensity, you’ll need some strength. This isn’t a gym workout, but it’s worth noting—you need enough endurance and force to create that rhythmic, firm grinding that hits the right spot.
Why Surprise Works
One of the biggest obstacles to orgasm for many women is being in their head. If she’s thinking too much—about how she looks, whether she’s taking too long, what you’re feeling—she won’t be able to fully let go.
This is where dominance and presence come into play. When you lead with certainty and take control, it allows her to surrender and stay in the moment. When she’s not overthinking, her body can respond naturally.
And sometimes, if you surprise her with a new move like this—no build-up, no explanation—it snaps her out of her thoughts and into her sensations. Before she even knows what hit her, boom—orgasm. And she’ll remember it.
Stop Trying Too Hard to Please Her
Here’s a counterintuitive truth: one of the worst things a guy can do in bed is try too hard to please his partner.
That desperate “I-need-to-make-her-orgasm-or-I’ll-feel-like-a-failure” energy? Women feel that instantly. They’re incredibly attuned to body language and emotional undercurrents. If you’re carrying a heavy expectation around performance, it becomes her burden too. Now she’s in her head, worried about your ego instead of focusing on her own pleasure.
Adopt the "Selfish Pervert" Mindset
This might sound weird, but the frame of mind I recommend in the bedroom is what I call the “selfish pervert” mindset.
That doesn’t mean you’re selfish in the sense of “30 seconds and done.” It means your motivation is internal. You’re not pleasing her to earn approval—you’re doing it because you enjoy it. She’s your muse. You’re exploring her body like it’s your playground. You’re getting her off because it turns you on to do so.
That kind of energy is intoxicating to a woman. You’re not pressuring her. You’re leading. You’re present. And you’re genuinely enjoying the act of pleasuring her—which makes it so much easier for her to let go and enjoy it, too.
Final Thoughts
Great sex isn’t about performance. It’s about connection, presence, confidence, and play. Try out the “panning for gold” technique. Show up with a selfish, exploratory mindset. Ditch the desperation and lean into dominance. You’ll be amazed at the difference.
